Hope

A pandemic.  Fueled by instant information age caused overwhelming feelings of panic.  I had wrestled with the decision to keep our appointment in Utah.  I had come to the conclusion that we should go.  In the four hours it took to drive, I had second guessed my decision multiple times.  Questioning what was so important that I would risk the health of my children.  And the pandemic wasn't even a big deal yet.... Just wait a week and everything would be different.  Schools weren't closed yet... business were all still operating... And talk amongst friends wasn't only about the virus. ... yet.

We arrived in Utah and ran our errands and went to our appointments.  In between it all checking the latest updates and discussing the potential future.  We began to do things differently.  I wore rubber gloves to the store and carried clorox wipes to clean the cart.  I shopped alone whenever possible.  I found myself sanitizing my keys, my credit card, my door handle, my steering wheel, my phone, the gas pump handle.  We didn't stop for our usual treats or plan any fun activities into our trip.  I didn't want to cause paranoia in my boys, but I was beginning to cause it in myself.  I tried to stick to my shopping list and not suddenly buy items out of fear that weren't on my list.  I also knew of my limited vehicle capacity. 

I found myself not as eager to hold a door for someone else but rather hope that I could slip in to a store when a door was already open or catch it with my foot.  I became flummoxed when handed change after a transaction, realizing that money wasn't something I wanted to handle.  After over 24 hours of constantly checking reports, running errands to multiple locations since most stores were sold out of things and packing my car as full as possible, we spent the night at Channa's and worried.  Early the next morning we had one last stop to make to buy our perishables... the way I've always shopped when I make our routine trips, but as I drove to the store I felt overwhelmed and nervous to be going to the store again.  I questioned if I really needed the salad and butter and cheese on my list.  Could I make do with what I had on hand at home and just forego the stop.  I was feeling my stomach churn with the panic building. 

Subsequently I took a wrong exit and had to backtrack to find my way to the store.  That only added to my worries.  Especially as I saw the lines outside of the stores.  I was looking around for the road I needed to get back on track and stopped at a red light only to see the road I was on. 

Hope Drive!

All I could do, stopped at that red light was call out.. Thank you.  I needed that sign... literal sign.  That hope is not lost.  I can not give up on hope.  I had wrestled with the decision to run our errand and had felt it was okay.  I needed to carry on, not give up hope, and finish my errands and then take my boys and go home, just as planned. 

So as chaotic as this journey we're on is... with no road map or set itinerary, I remind myself regularly that I'm on Hope Drive and I just need to do my best. 

Just a Routine Visit

Every three months we make a trek to Utah for Dr. appointments, visit friends and family, run all the little errands that we can't do in our new rural life... and stock up for the next three months on supplies that have run low.  We were scheduled to do just that next Monday.  Then some conflicts came up (all of which have been cancelled... but not the point!), and we rescheduled for last Monday.  We rearranged a few things and then wondered, up until the moment we left, if we should go at all.  We went.  Unfortunately people in Utah heard we were coming for our regular, routine stock up run and all stormed the stores before we could get there.  (Pandemic may have played a role also.)

We were successful in some of our other errands.. 

We dropped off a bucket of fireplace ashes for a friend.  We kept our distance.  Left the bucket by the garage.. took a photo of where they were and texted when the drop was completed.  

We delivered the glass recycling.. always a highlight of our trip!  No one around but us.

We attempted to stock up at other grocery stores and encountered some overly protected shoppers.

We celebrated Kenzie's birthday.  Played a phone version of Scrabble with each other.  

Sang a Covid-19 version of Happy Birthday.

And then returned home to the official location of 'Social Distancing'.. 

Wyoming.

We were greeted with this... 

The first signs of spring.

I admit, I was grateful we weren't home when these chunks slid off the roof so our car wasn't in it's normal spot.  There are large chunks like this all around the house.  I wonder if they all fell off at the same time.  That would have been quite a noise.  It's noisy enough when the icicles fall.

On the 14th Day of December

We wrapped the white elephant gifts for a party we are going to next week.  Since we don't use wrapping paper, I didn't have any.  I did however have some brown paper from a package I had ordered from Amazon.  So we re-purposed it as wrapping paper and then the kids decorated the outside with stencils and stamps.  This then led to some Christmas card making. 

We baked Christmas cookies for the missionaries in our area and ate way more than we should have. 

We learned of tragedy that struck in Connecticut, an elementary school shooting.  As the kids and I watched in horror as the news story explained the situation, we talked about how fragile life is and how important it is to always be kind and loving.  We spoke of the mall shooting in Oregon of just the day before, the university in Wyoming shooting of three days earlier, the suicide shooting of a student at the middle school down the street from us the week before...  We felt very blessed to be together and safe.  We also felt frightened for the world that we live in and for the many tormented souls who feel the need to act so violently and evilly.

Duncan asked what they were talking about when they said that a candle light vigil was planned.  After I explained, he commented that it would be nice to go to show support.  So we lit our own candle and said a little prayer for the sadness of the day, for the sadness of the month and for comfort to all who are mourning and suffering.