We went to see a movie.
It was Epic.
Really!!
The movie was called, 'Epic'.
I am of the opinion that Epic actually stands for
Etched
Permanently
In
Cranium,
because this particular movie experience will indeed be just that.
We had free passes to see a movie at this little theater a few towns away. It would only take us 30 minutes to drive there and hey, free tickets to see a movie in the theater that wasn't available at Red box or on netflix yet. We were there. Our friends were coming also. We had 15 people between our two vans. The day had been a busy but productive one. I had been cleaning and sorting and packing for the coming trip. We were to leave at 2:15. At 2:00 I was still outside setting up a tent that I needed to assess for the trip. As I opened a panel, I was covered in dust.
(haven't been camping in a while and obviously the tent wasn't cleaned up after the last trip!) The temperature outside is in the high 90*f's (mid 30*c) and I was perspiring profusely. Now with the latest dust, I looked like I'd been out mud wrestling. I decided to have the fastest shower ever. While I showered I called out assignments to the kids so we would still be on schedule and have everything we needed for baby. As fast as I tried to be we were in the van at 2:21, my hair still wrapped in a towel, my skirt askew, my shirt barely on
(it was rolled in the back and wouldn't pull down over my still wet body), but we were off to a movie called, 'Epic'.
The drive down Emerson fell asleep, Whittaker (no nap) whined and screamed everytime I hit a bump because his DVD would restart his movie.
We pulled in to the parking lot of an old dilapidated looking theater with a line of people already queued up for seats inside. I had Kenzie and Duncan jump out to get in line with Amber and I parked. The parking lot was full. Amber called to say they had the seats, although not all together.
It took me a while to find a parking spot and I hit the curb as I finally parked and wondered if my tire had survived. Fortunately no harm done. I unloaded the four remaining boys and grabbed the diaper bag. The 100* day was not helping the mood or rush. We made it into the theater and found our seats. Whittaker immediately began to whine. He didn't like this movie (which hadn't yet begun). He didn't want to sit here. (Only seats left dude and it's on my lap with Emerson!). Why didn't he have a popcorn. He could smell it! (I'm the queen of popcorn for movies, but not at theater prices with 7 children!)
Our seat was the last seat near the wall. However other rows had one more seat right next to the wall and we had an empty space before the wall and I sent Whittaker to stand there while he was whining so I could attend to Emerson's bottle.
Once the movie began Whittaker became mesmerized and Emerson drank his bottle (I hoped he'd sleep!), and he appeared to watch the movie intently. About half way through the movie Emerson decided he had reached his limit. I was madly pulling out things from the diaper bag to entertain him and keep him quiet. My seat being at the end meant that leaving would be almost more disruptive than trying to keep him calm and quiet. I seemed to be succeeding with some snack puffs he likes to eat. Whittaker became restless and began to whine again.
Did I mention that it was 100* outside and this theater was either not air conditioned or it wasn't working?
I was perspiring again. Shouldn't have bothered with that shower earlier. I mean really... a dark humid theater would have been a great place to show up all sweaty and covered in muck. It's how I left.
What was worse was the two wiggly, whining boys on my lap were also perspiring and that made them all the more miserable.
So I was feeding Emerson puffs and gave Whittaker the bottle of water that I had brought so I could make a spare formula bottle for Emerson should I need it. Emerson lunged for the container of puffs. I kept it from exploding everywhere in the dark, barely, but Emerson ended up successfully grabbing an entire handful of the puffs. He immediately stuffed the whole lot of them in his mouth. I typically feed him one at a time. I was trying to pry the ones out of his other hand when Whittaker jerked around to whine at me one more time causing Emerson to slip from my leg. I caught him, but he began to gag. GAG! and then full on choke on his mouthful of puffs. I pushed Whittaker off my lap and tried to help Emerson. His choking was getting worse and he wasn't making any sounds.
I had to perform the heimlich on him.
It didn't work the first time and I had to hit his back much harder than I thought before all the puffs and some other nasty vomit came out, followed by a blood curdling scream. I grabbed the water bottle from Whittaker to give it to Emerson and Whittaker proceeded to scream at me for taking it. Amber tried to comfort Whittaker and explain that Emerson needed it right now. After a few seconds I felt confident that Emerson was going to be okay and I handed back the water bottle. Whittaker sat on Amber's lap and held the bottle, staring at the screen. (He never did drink any of the water!)
Emerson never did completely calm down after that. He wanted to snuggle and was whinier than ever. I needed to stand and rock him. So I took advantage of the empty space between me and the wall and stood up... oh yeah... in the vomit!
So there I stood. Pressing my body as tightly as I could against the wall of the theater which I was sure had children's boogers, gum and popcorn grease on it, so that I wouldn't block the view to those sitting behind me, sweating profusely in the non air conditioned theater, trying to calm my 30 lb baby who had just escaped a choking emergency, while convincing Whittaker who had realized I'd moved and insisted on standing next to me
mauling, holding onto my overly sticky body, standing in the vomit. All so we could take the kids to see an Epic movie for free. I think I'd have preferred to pay to stay home. It was at this point in the movie that I looked up and made eye contact with Amber, who had been trying to help and we just started laughing.
EPIC
Go see it in a theater near you today...
Better yet... stay home where it's cool, and manageable and enjoy a peaceful afternoon.