I heard it all my growing up years.
Apparently it didn't sink in.
I was first accused of being a liar by Tree and Memo in Texas. I don't recall the exact circumstances but they wondered how I expected my children to respect me when I lied to them. I think it had something to do with bedtime and allowing them to think that I was also going to bed... even though I wasn't. I think I hung my head in shame and continued to pretend life was grand my way.
More recently I was accused of being a liar again. This time on a more grand scale. The accusation went something like, "You lie so often that you aren't even aware of it anymore. You believe the lies yourself now. It wouldn't be so bad if your kids could distinguish when you are 'kidding', but they believe you completely. How will they ever know the truth... or worse.. ever trust you?"
In my defense....
Oh forget it... I've lied. I am a liar. What are the 12 steps? How do I make restitution for the lies?
I began by admitting that they have occurred.
I began to make a list of them. I don't even know if I remember them all.
These are the nine I can remember.
- On the way from Utah to Wyoming, we drive past a factory of sorts.. a power station maybe. The tall smoke stack is always steaming. It's situated in literally the middle of nowhere. Surrounded by thousands of acres of sagebrush. It's almost always blue skies for miles except the steam clouds forming above the factory/power plant stack. I've always said this is a cloud making factory. It's one of Wyoming's best industries. Scientifically... steam does enter into the water cycle which creates cloud formation so I'd say it's a partial lie backed by science in a roundabout way.
- I'm not a fan of cantaloupe. It's not one I dislike, I just am not a big fan. So... we don't often have cantaloupe. However during a visit to Wyoming, we had cantaloupe at a few meals in a row. There had been a lot of discussion about Antelope on that trip. Probably hunting season or something. Anyway... Whittaker who doesn't always hear all the syllables of words really enjoyed eating the cantaloupe. He called it Antelope though. He must have asked if we could get antelope at our house, since he really liked it. Trying to work on his articulation of words, I spent time saying antelope and Cantaloupe very clearly. He obliged since he's always had speech corrections but then wondered what are they. Oh... I replied.. (to my chagrin)... Antelope are an animal, like a deer, that live in Wyoming. Cantaloupe is the melon that he liked to eat. .... and then I added.... Cantaloupe are the eggs that antelope lay so that's whey we can have them in Wyoming.
- I blatantly made up a lie when Miles innocently asked about the scar on his head when he was 5 years old. It came out without any plan. Instead of telling him he was a miracle and that skilled Dr.'s had performed surgeries to save his life... I told him it was the mark left behind when he had been abducted by aliens. In my defense, he was pretty excited about the abduction... asked questions which I obliged by embellishing my lie. The pulsing soft spot was the homing beacon. Also they could turn him off remotely... that's why he gets tired at the same time every night. It also explained why he could do big math equations in his head and solve a rubik's cube... those were skills he gained from the aliens.
- Whittaker gave open mouthed slobbery kisses. After bedtime kisses I would always wipe my cheek after tucking them in. One night after tucking in Whittaker and Emerson, they kissed me extra sloppily. I instinctively reached up and rubbed my cheek. One of them called out... "Don't wipe off the kiss!"... I responded... "Oh I'm not wiping it off, I'm rubbing it in so it will last longer!" Now they ALWAYS rub it in for me when they kiss me. Sometimes they remind me to rub it in so it will last all night!
- Whittaker is shorter than the others. Whittaker has learning delays. Whittaker rode a bike later. Whittaker learned to read later and slower. In contrast, Emerson who is three years younger can read better, ride a bike years earlier, is a big boy and will any day be taller than Whittaker. In order to help prepare him for being outgrown by the baby brother and for being a bit behind academically than a younger kid I tried to explain that everyone does things at their own pace. I also explained that people all grow differently. I showed a family picture with my siblings. I showed how tall I am and how three of my younger siblings were taller than me. Even Caleb and Sarah were taller than me, but I'm still older. We talked about how we all learn when we are ready. I thought I'd been pretty clear and that maybe he'd be able to handle the inevitable future of being the shortest sibling and the bigger issue... the delays academically. I was not prepared for a few days later hearing him explain it to someone else. "I'm the oldest in the family but I age slower, like my mum. That's why she's 26." Oh dear.
- Which leads me to the, "I'm 26 years old". I'm not afraid of getting older... I just don't feel older than 26 yet... plus it's my favourite number so why not enjoy that age the longest.
- For many years as I've shopped at Costco, I've purchased one of the tasty rotisserie chickens. They're hot and smell so good, so when I get to the car I can rarely resist the tempting smells. I prefer dark meat so I would eat a drumstick on the way home. Once home the questioning about the missing leg began... My response, "That's how Costco sells their rotisserie chickens... Sometimes only one leg... and sometimes they don't have any of the tasty, crispy skin either!" I would like to point out that I rarely shopped alone in the decade of shopping at Costco and managed to eat that drumstick while driving with many children in the vehicle.
- Recently while in a dollar store, the little boys were fiddling with everything in the store. When we arrived at the check out there were so many gadgets on the counter, there was hardly anywhere to put my purchases. I was tired and the boys were infringing on my personal bubble plus fiddling with stuff again. They finally reached into a jar of pens with enormous, plastic diamond's on the ends and each were shaking them in case they lit up or made noise. Trying not to lose my patience, I said, "Don't wave that around... you don't know what kind of power you might be unleashing with that wand" The check out lady stopped mid scan of my purchases and looked right at me. "I need to remember that! Every kid in here picks those up and waves them around." Instead of feeling pleased that I'd brightened her day or given her a humorous way to deal with obnoxious behaviour... I realized... I just lied... again!
- Most recently, just over a week ago. Here at home while watching General conference on tv. We had explained that the choir performances were pre-recorded. That because of Covid19 there wasn't an audience. Emerson still didn't understand. After the first few songs, he asked, "How come the ladies keep changing their dresses?" So we explained pre-recorded from different events again. We thought he understood this time. Later he said, "It's too bad no one showed up to hear the people talk. But lots of people like coming to hear the choir." Everyone said, "It's pre-recorded! No one is there because of the virus." Okay.. but then later... "The guys only have to change their ties, but the ladies change really fast!" *sigh* "Yup, ladies are just awesome like that." I did try!
I have attempted to come clean on the lies that I have remembered. Apparently some have been told for so long that even when I tell the truth now, some still don't believe me... I tried.
